Don’t call it a break up

*sung to the tune of ll cool j’s “mama said knock you out”*

It’s been a little over a year since I made a big life change, once and for all. It was a change that was a long-time coming and was inevitable, despite my determination to change the course of fate. People grow, feelings change, (blah, blah blah), shit happens. And I ended a relationship that shaped me into the chick I am today, pushed me to move across the country and allowed (forced) me to find out just how strong I was.

I’m not here to tell you what to do or not to do in the wake of a breakup. Largely because I make this shit up as a go along, but also because, and most importantly, no one can tell you what to do or how to feel when you are abruptly catapulted into this new version of your world.

But here is what I will tell you. Don’t call it a break up.

When you Google the term “break up” you find a list of depressing synonyms, the least depressing of which being: “a parting”. While such is true, what is really about to happen is so much more than a dissolution or termination or collapse. It is a rebirth. Whether you want to believe me (or your mom or your best friend), you have been set free, reborn, reincarnated, reawakened. Whatever you are going to call it, don’t call it a break up. 

You will never be the same person as you were before the relationship and your experiences have and will continue change you. The next 365 (hopefully much, much fewer) days are going to be really hard and scary and thrilling and overwhelming and empowering and crazy and fun.

Your journey will be different than mine, but the lessons will be the same.

Each day you will wake up and it will hurt a little less. You will finally get to the point where the memories are bittersweet and not rage-inciting. You will re-learn what it is that you really love to do and discover new hobbies and passions you never dreamed of before. You will learn just how important your girlfriends are and how important it is to cherish and cultivate those friendships. (Lylas, BaB’s). You will take the good and the bad; with wine, tissues and ice cream. You will get stronger, every single day. Physically, mentally and emotionally.

You will learn just how much your mom loves you when she listens to you cry for hours and weeks and again, when you whine endlessly about “fumble” (it’s bum-ble, mom) and Tinder. You will learn that while cooking for one is hard, no one can judge you now for bedtime AND midnight snacks. You’ll quickly remember how frustrating and annoying and truly intoxicating dating can be.

And when you think that there couldn’t possibly be anyone else in the entire world could “love” you the way so-and-so did, a man in tights will sweep you off your feet (literally) and make you laugh. And help you put your heart back together.

And that might end, too.

But each time you discover your new freedom, you will continue to learn from your mistakes and fall deeper and deeper in love with yourself.

You will also learn that some days you don’t want to believe in this hippie-dippie bullshit and the only solution is to go to a kickboxing class and buy a new pair of shoes. And that’s okay. These next 365 days aren’t going to be easy, the best things in life never are.

But you aren’t broken. So don’t call it a break up. 



  1. Holly! this is absolutely incredible loved loved loved reading this I feel like it’s exactly what I needed to read the last year of my life has been very trying for me too and for the first time in a long time I feel pretty optimistic about my life and my future besides we are way to young to believe it’s not going to be ok right ? keep writing beautiful heartfelt pieces because I will continue to look forward to them hope CO is treating you wonderfully my beautiful AGD sister and I wish you the best with all of your future endeavors lots of love sent your way XOXOXO

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